Crossbow Kaelli

This is probably the oldest of the filks in the Bumper Book. It pre-dates the web by nearly a decade. And, in a strange twist, it's become Hârn canon: when I was invited to write the Ona-Setrum portion of Columbia Games' revised Olokand article, I couldn't resist mentioning Kaelli. He survived the edits and made it into the finished product (even if he didn't survive the Murath).

Look, don't blame me. James Taylor started it when he rewrote his Machinegun Kelly as Jellyman Kelly for an appearance on Sesame Street... So there you are, the Muppet influence on Hârn - anybody care to stat Cookie Monster as an Ivashu?

In my campaigns, Crossbow Kaelli has become something of a legend around Olokand. He was an outlaw operating in Meselyneshire about 30 years ago, until his capture and execution in the Murath's Pit. Though he could never be accused of acting like Robin Hood, his daring and panache won him lasting fame. The song's reference to Maldon Harabor is clearly apocryphal.

[Spoken]: This is not a time for levity ... Do you understand what happened to Crossbow Kaelli?

[Cue funky guiter riff]

Let me tell you 'bout Crossbow Kaelli
He rode along the outlaw trail.
Crossbow Kaelli was as as hard as hell,
But his woman was as hard as nails
Watch out now, Crossbow
Don't let her run you round
Watch out now, Crossbow
Don't let a woman make you out to be a clown.

Let me tell you 'bout Kataryn Kaelli,
Tired of being a villein's wife now.
Figured they'd capture a nobleman's son
And really make it in the world of crime
Watch out now, Crossbow
Don't let her run you round.
Watch out now, Crossbow
Don't let a woman put you six feet in the ground.

Well, Harabor's boys they came for our Crossbow,
Clapped the poor boy in chains.
Put him in a hole next to Olokand Castle
Where the Murath cut him clean in twain.
Watch out now, Crossbow...
Oh, Crossbow...

[Funky guitar riff to fade]

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