The Onion Seller's Lament
Or: The Lament of the Onion Seller

I am a poor onion seller
I wander the roads and the plains
A-selling of my onions
And other root veggies of fame

I've travelled from Orbaal to Kanday
From Rethem to Kaldor likewise
And all of my customers ask me
Just where do I get my supplies

For I've got no onions or shallots
No leeks and no garlic to sell
I've got no parsnips or carrots
Me job isn't going so well

Now folks with an ayporth of noggin'
Ask me why I chose this life
Down the long roads always sloggin'
To feed me young children and wife

Well it's on account of my father
And his urge to give me advice
He said, "Son, pick a seller's market
"And a fortune is yours in a trice."

But I've got no onions or shallots
No leeks and no garlic to sell
I've got no parsnips or carrots
Me job isn't going so well

Now in the first version of HarnWorld
Onions are right off the wall
But in the second edition
There's no mention of root crops at all

But now I've purchased HarnManor
I read it with a groan
Far from banning the onion
Now everyone's growing their own

Oh, I've plenty of onions and shallots
I've got leeks and got garlic as well
You say you've already got lots?
Excuse me while I shout, "Bloody Hell!"

A little-known aspect of the Royal Chelebin Tournament of Chivalry: while knights are battering each other, archers shoot at each others' butts and peasants try to shout the loudest, minstrels from all over Harn gather to compose the silliest song. Except for Baron Londel of Yeged, who takes himself far too seriously. Anyway, following Kenneth of Snellings' success with Winnie the Hru, this was my attempt.

It references the mysterious vanishing and reappearance of root crops on Harn. Apparently the blanket ban on roots in Harn 1st edition was an error; the authors merely wanted to ban New World roots such as the potato. Onions and other Old World roots appeared suddenly in HarnManor (and pipeweed made an appearance in Trobidge Inn: Pepper & Spice, but that's another story).

Back to The Bumper Book of Hârnic Filksongs